so where was i
oh yeah medium security
its really hard to remember all this i totally should have written about it LIKE YOU KNOW, RIGHT AFTER IT HAPPENED
i really dont want to talk to anyone, the people in medium security are either violent or GOING TO PRISON (which i thought i was at the time) and im terrified of everyone
also i mean all those lifetime specials and jenny jones episodes where they take bad kids to jail
im just
im being a wuss alright
so i sit down at a table and fucking hope to shit its not some kind of goddamn FAUX PAS wher ei took someones SACRED LUCKY SPADES SEAT
but its not
okay one myth busted, i think
and surprisingly enough this lanky white girl with really pretty hair runs right up to me GOD I NEED TO EXFOLIATE CAN YOU FEEL MY PAIN GIRL
and im like yeah ive been here for a few days and im afraid to shower
OH GIRL I KNOW I HAVENT DONE PILATES IN A MONTH AND MY ARM FAT IS STARTING TO SAG LOOK AT THIS and she kind of slaps her upper arma nd its not flabby at all but i really miss the internet so i try to relate
she introduces herself and a friend, her friend works (worked?) for atari and they’re both white collar money laundering super criminals and i feel kind of cool that they deemed me appropriate to hang out with, maybe it was because i wanst covered in tattoos and meth scars, but im mostly guessing its becuase im white
i tell them that its fucking disgusting not having deodorant and taking hooker showers every couple hours to deal with my own rank adn they go on and on about yoga and spa treatments nad shit that i dont care about but its better than secluding myself in my room with the ancient wise black lady
whos not wise at all she just liked to run her fucking mouth
and they hook me up with some deodorant (TEEN SPIRIT, REALLY?) and shampoo and tell me to buck up and get in the fucking shower before i start rotting from my armpits out
in medium security (refered to as YELLOW, which ill start using becuase my lazy fingers wnat me to) you have to tell the guard when you’re gonna take a shower and they give you soap (people always mold the soap into dominoes so they started regulating it) and a small towel
the first time i took a shower they were out of soap bars at the moment so i got a handful of that powdery elementary school itchy soap shit, and i bit my tongue before even asking if it was hypoallergenic because being itchy is better than being raped for haivn ga big mouth LOLOLOLOL
so i carefully take my hadnful up the stairs (why the hell is the shower on the top floor? i felt so on display, but then again it was the YOURE GONNA GET RAPED IN JAIL BY SCARY BUTCH GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD DYKES AND TATTOOED WITH BITCH SLAVE AND XIV THE FIRST TIME YOU BEND OVER myths and rumors haunting me
buck up daphny buck the fuck up
my new pal lisa made it very clear NEVER TO REMOVE MY SANDALS IN THE SHOWER YOU DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF NEGRO GERMS ARE GONNA GET BETWEEN YOUR TOES (which is funny becuase i always overheard the black girls talking about how nasty hygenically white girls are) so i get in, strip and turn on the water and hear
CLOSE THE FUCKING CURTAIN NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT YOUR PALE ASS
oh yeah, duh, shower curtain, jesus daphny
but what a relief, at least im not going to be some mustachio’ed bulldykes bitch right
you’re not at home, you’re not at home you cant shower with the door open with your apricot scrub and your raspberry scented kids shampoo
oh shit i dropped my soap powder while closing the curtain in a nervous hurry
oh well i have shampoo i can wash myself with, and i do so, and it feels pretty nice to not have hair that looks like its wet when its dry
and i put on my deodorant becuase id rather smell like teen spirit than sweaty pit rot
i get out and get dressed and feel better physically but worse emotionally
i feel like this is some kind of milestone I FUCKING DID IT im all congratulating myself on TAKING A FUCKING SHOWER but i feel like its another nail in the coffin becuase you know, maybe some miracle would happen and i could go home before taking a shower in jail
before settling in enough, before being at home enough to bathe here
and i get really fucking sad again, every morning that i woke up and opened my eyes i was startled that i wasnt in bed and my bunny wasnt thumping and shitting everywhere and my walls werent covered in posters, just the occasional shitty line from a song in pencil
every time the locks click click click in succession shut while i sit on my bed i realize that im pretty fucked, that this is very real and im goddamn terrified
i go to the phones and try to call my mom for like the third time and HOLY SHIT SHE PICKS UP
and i just instantly start blubbering and crying MOMMY IM IN JAIL I WENT TO JAIL OH GOD JAIL MOMMY MOMMY JAIL IM GOING TO PRISON MOMMY MOMMY
and she tells me that she had a nice dinner nad cake made for me for my birthday when i got home from target
adn that i got a call for a job interview
and that i ruined my life
and she says taht shes sorry but i brought this upon myself and maybe i should pick better friends and i tell her im sorry i let her down and she hangs up
and shes right, well at least i FEEL like ive ruined my life and yeah my friends were fucking retarded and i had better judgement than that, and boy do i have a lot of time to reflet on WELL IF I JUST DID THIS OR DIDNT DO THIS and god if theres anything you have in jail, its time to reflect on your shitty descisions
a few more days of the same shit pass by, im just waiting for a court date or ANYTHING, i hang out with lisa and ariel during the common hours, we walk around the concrete outdoors cube, its just a big cube the size of a volleyball court with a net in the middle and mesh wiring over the top, even though theres no possible way a human could climb that high up a sheer concrete wall
and we walk around and do laps and they talk about their fabulous lives and i talk about music and videogames
finally on my seventh day in jail i get my first court date for my ARRAIGNMENT. i get to find out what my charges are and if i can finally qualify for bail (they withheld my bail when i first got there I STILL DONT KNOW WHY)
okay TAHTS IT FOR NOW NEXT ENTRY ILL TALK ABOUT COURT
